Giving yourself for the unseen

I work in the realm of abstract.  There are the goals that are known, documented, billed for.  The behavior modification demonstration, big and staring obvious maladjustment resulting in couch pillows thrown in my direction.  And then there are the goals that aren't within the scope of someone's perspective, the unseen, the hidden part of the iceberg.  It's within the latter that my mind spends the day leafing through pages, examining through the microscope of my world-view, and standing in the midst of a thousand tiny pieces blowing forcefully around and colliding with my face.  It's within the latter that things like motivation and defense mechanisms and grief and unspeakable confusion are poked, prodded, offered support and unconditional company.
It's so much more than a bill, than a piece of paper describing theory and resistance.  It's more than an expectation and consequence.  It's more than hopelessness and, dare I say, evil at work.
It's a process.  Grace is bigger than forgiveness.  Community is more than words.  Hope can't always been seen.  Bad things don't equate to bad people.  The law does not motivate.  More often than not, change happens in the open ended question, and the depth of emotion shared that cannot always be articulated.  What scares me more than anger, is anger masking fear.  Anger is so much easier than fear.  Anger is known.  Fear is abstract.  We are afraid of the abstract.  We are afraid of grace.
Am I describing the known, my job or the abstract, my spirituality?

Resistance is futile! Or is it?

I've spent a lot of time in the past few weeks, well more like months, thinking about resistance.  

What is that?  Why is it there?  

Why does it get in our way when we are trying to do good things?  

What is the point?  How do we get RID of it?

Why do we fight it certain ways?

Do we create it or does it create us?  Or both?  

Is it as simple as "resistance is bad?"

  

The Bible talks about resistance.  Jonah had a bad case of it.  Also, Lot's wife.  Uh, Moses.  Ooh!  The 

guy in the tree!  Paul, tsk tsk.  We know how he turned out.

Here's the thing.  I don't remember being taught why Moses resisted obeying God other than, he just wasn't.  I don't remember being taught why Paul resisted not-murdering-Christians other than he needed salvation.  I don't remember being taught why Jonah wanted nothing to do with those Ninevites other than being oppositional.  Let's not even get started on that guy in the tree--wasn't he selfish or crazy?  Lot's wife was a giant discrepancy.  And it's not as though what I was taught wasn't true, because it is very true.  Moses didn't obey, Paul needed salvation, Jonah didn't listen, the guy in the tree needed coaxed down, and Lot's wife...well, you know what happened.  But it is only part of the story.   

I want my children to understand that resistance means something.  The ultimate goal and ideal is that we don't resist.  But I don't want them to perpetuate a self-concept of "what's wrong with me" when they do resist.   What is wrong with us is sin, true story.  But that is not all of who we are.  Just naming the behavior doesn't detail the dynamics of what resistance means.  I never heard transference or projection or "thoughts feed feelings feed behavior" in Sunday School.  We are taking bad punches against a powerful internal struggle until we can name it for what it is.  If all I have are my "bad" feelings and "good" feelings, than it becomes the "good" parts of me and "bad" parts of me instead of the real truth of "all of these things are mine good bad or ugly and the dynamic is complex and messy" and needs labeled with "anger masking hurt" and "projection due to disappointment" and "transference due to fear."  

I want my children to learn to confront their resistance courageously (ie in spite of fear, since we all know courage isn't a feeling) and not push it down deeper until it finds a new way to present itself.  

Jonah was scared.  Lot's wife was scared.  Moses...was scared.  Guy in tree, scared, check.  Paul--bit more vague on that one, but I'd be willing to vote scared for the heck of it.  

I wonder what we would look like if we took more time to work on the scared instead of just trying to behave.  The great news is our God is very interested in our recognition that the scared wasn't a part of His original plan either.