It's been a grip

I had anticipated posting more frequently than I find myself doing, alas.  I had many more thoughts on my mind that apparently I've cut loose for now.  That is not to suggest I don't have things on my mind---I start my new job in 8 days, so that's definitely some reality I'm facing.  I thought I would be more nervous than I currently find myself.  That's one of my favorite things when it comes to new, slightly terrifying experiences: distinguishing between growth and denial ;0).  I know that this job is going to kick my trash---which is mostly a good thing, but clearly not optimal.  But I've finally reached something that is going to challenge me professionally--and that's what I've been longing for, studying for, paying for these past four years.  Speaking of paying for, talk about great timing as that kicks in after the 1st as well ;0)  

I've also been partially consumed with thoughts of justice.  I spend, we spend so much $$ on ourselves, even if we're not buying nice things----I hardly pay my bills and still manage to spend foolishly.  The reality is that there are millions of starving, sick people in the world.  More and more I feel like I cannot say I love the Lord and continue to neglect that reality---sure it's only a Starbucks here and new socks I don't really need there or a Season of That 70's Show and some random 'needed' kitchen item to replace the beat up one that works fine....more and more it seems like all or nothing because for me any half effort is really a rationalized-away no effort.  Choosing one thing is the same as choosing all of those things...same attitude, same denial, same selfishness.  Don't get me wrong here, I'm not going to sell all my belongings and start wandering the country.  I'm not an idiot, and certainly I am aware and appreciative of the blessings of living in this country.   But I'm tired of living this lie.