The inspiration for the title of this blog is due to the fact that I was up until 2 am this morning finishing the last Harry Potter book...which, consequently, I had started at 5 pm last evening. It turned into a bit of an obsession this past week...as I read 3 books in the past 10 days. Nevertheless, there is no feeling like tearing through a good book, rushing though each page with a constant urgency to find out what happens, and completely forgetting my own reality as I am entirely entrenched in the lives of the characters. It was wonderful.
I find myself with a lot of random thoughts, various ambitions these days...I find myself a lot more satisfied in living my own life as it is. I've been thinking a bit about what is right even though social customs often label 'not obligated' or 'awkward.' I've been thinking about what it means to truly meet people on their own terms, not just as they are but on your terms. I've been thinking of moving to Rochester to be with my family. I also find that I'm tired of pursuing. I'm tired of 'yes' not meaning 'yes' and 'no' not meaning 'no.' I work in a setting with too much uncertainty, too many broken appointments and promises, too many intentions and no actions. I just don't care for it in my life. I don't know if its good or bad, but I've reached a place where I'd rather have what is real, even if its difficult to swallow, than what is another intention, another shortfalling, another legitimate reason for letting me down. What is, simply is. We pretend, we disillusion ourselves that we are what we are not. I am who I am, and I won't pretend that I'm what I should and could be. Ah well. Off to be what I'm really not at heart, a rent a cop.
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