If I only had a....

Brain...check.  Heart...check.  I even have the nerve most days (not to be confused with "QUITE the nerve").    In my best singing voice, if I only had control.  Today, I don't have control.  I don't have control over the lives of children whose families are fighting over custody, whose parents have been so traumatized themselves they can't remember simple homework assignments, children coaching their parents through depression, who are fighting depression themselves despite not even knowing how to ride a bike without training wheels yet.  I don't have control.
That is particularly unfortunate because I LOVE control.  My siblings can testify to that.  I was a choreographer, play director, coach, and drill instructor wrapped into one.  (sidebar: and stuff got done)  This is not as in I love my polka dot shoes or I love it when my roommate does the dishes.  Love as in I LOVE having skin to protect my bones kind of love!!  The warm, secure blanket on a chilly night kind of love!!  The clutching to my parachute, jumping out of a plane kind of love!!  Those children, those families do not have control and I can't control their lack of control and I don't know how to give them control without having control myself.
We cannot control other people.  Sometimes, many times, we cannot control ourselves.  I often find myself at a loss, like many, when terrible tragedies occur and we, collectively, turn to a policy or program or intervention or protocol to feel more in control of what has happened to us.  It is natural, it is a desirable coping skill to seek control where there is chaos, that is healthy.  However, there is a serious breakdown in my coping and our coping because despite having the heart/intentions, the brain/skills, and QUITE the nerve, I still cannot, we still cannot control many, many things.  Control/free will is the wrench that got thrown in.  I can give the options, but I cannot make the choice.
"What a beautiful mess this is, it's like we're picking up trash in dresses" Even though this specific Jason Mraz song has NOTHING to do with the topic of this blog, I LOVE this particular line as an analogy for, please forgive me for cheesyness, life.  We are a beautiful mess.  We are a beautiful mess because there is sin in the world, and that means no holds barred.  BUT God is glorified in our effort to love each other, to reflect His character.  So, no, I don't have control but I do have a beautiful dress in progress.