"'cause I'm playing for keeps"

I'm getting better at this.  I'm averaging two, okay maybe three, failed attempts to complete a task before I stop and think, "Why am I avoiding this?"  Last week, it was ordering my textbooks.  Last month, it was certifying my financial aid.  Last night, I wanted to flake on some friends after ditching a day of work (and seriously contemplating a second day of nothing).  Don't get me started on how many miles past due I am for an oil change.
I could can feel it creeping.  That pesky nudge to leave, to be impulsive, to drive without destination, to escape the boxed-in-slightly-panicked feeling.  It wasn't isn't that I am simply lazy or undisciplined or selfish.  I am taking a huge leap into a three year program in less than two weeks, while continuing to work full-time.  Nailed it.
Do you know when you get a rush of adrenaline and any unnecessary information or sensory input just fades away?  I can feel myself shutting down pieces, closing windows and doors, shoving the muse out of the spaces it has managed to burst through.  It's like a progressive movement toward emotional hibernation.  I'm hoarding acorns dang it!!  I've been here before.  This is what I do.  Before I started this job, I was very honest with the Lord about how things were going to go down.  "When the going gets tough..."  Well, I get going but I don't think that's what they mean.  And it always feels so stupid.  Really, you're going to put off ordering some books?  Wow, tough guy.  I'll give Amazon an offer it can't refuse!

"Cause I'm an already but not yet resurrected fallen man

Come break this limbo"