Treatment for spiritual asthma

Think back on 2013. What surprises happened? What were the hard moments AND have you seen any breath of redemption in those places? If you haven't, how are you stronger—bolder—braver because of what you've been through? In what ways are you looking forward to 2014?

Oh 2013.  What to say.  I always feel like I come to this.  I did in 2012 and I'm sure 2014 will bring the same.  How do you sum up a year?  (I just went to season of love in my mind, oh lord).




The biggest surprise was deciding to go back to school.  I aspired to a couple years ago and flaked out, it didn't feel right, I wasn't that excited, and I didn't know if I was really cut out for the field.  Fast forward to the day after the completion of my first semester and I've found my breath.  I've found a niche, a community of peers that breathe the way I do and are broken in the ways I'm broken, and embrace the "gray area" the way I need to see more people doing.




It has been hard.  I wanted this program, I knew it was for me before even stepping foot on campus.  But it has been hard.  I knew I had to move intellect to emotion.  I knew there were broken places.   The Lord was so sneaky in the timing of this Story Sessions class the summer before this program.  He knew I needed to ease into it. He knew I didn't don't trust my voice.  He also knew that I treasure those moments...those moments when a professor and 12 of His students adventure into a huddle on the sacred ground...of common purpose and longing for an alternate universe...of reciprocal restoration and spiritual breathing treatments...of embracing the sovereignty of the God of "gray area."  He knew that I needed "share and tell" for my monsters.




Those places aren't redeemed...yet.  I can feel the cracks, the stress of walls wanting to buckle but worried about being crushed in the aftermath of collapse.  And yet...




I'm looking forward to the transformation of new experiences, of how one moment can seemingly be erased, for all intents and purposes, with the internal shift of perspective.  


I'm looking forward to having a month off where I can write and shop and have a happy dance when the answer to the question "What do I need to get done tonight" is "Nothing" and carol with friends and watch "A Christmas Story" way more times than I'd care to admit.




It's so appropriate to this season of advent, in that I can't say as though I look forward to "waiting" in and of itself.  But I do look forward to "waiting" in the sense that I know something good comes at the end.  I may not expect what that "good" is, but I know I'll figure it out eventually. 


I've been chewing on the idea of choosing a symbolic word for this next year.  In retrospect, I would call this past year "embrace."  I'm thinking about either "trust" or "speak" or maybe "expectation."


This is in response to a prompt from the Story Sessions Community.  It's an incredible online community of women passionate about writing, loving, and finding their voice.