...I think partly because I never get any feedback so then I think I'm just writing to myself.
Ridiculously cold weather like this always takes me back to my time in Russia--and since my car decided it wasn't going to start today due to the -20 temp, I decided to spend some time reading that journal. It's always fun and interesting to look back on the things you thought were a challenge at the time....or even looking back at what challenges you had that no one could ever prepare themselves for.
Like ordering eggs AND bacon from room service at a Hotel in Moscow...I think that is my current favorite story. It was so dramatic, and watching the girl try to do it (this is like day 3 in Russia) was one of the most hilarious things I've ever seen---and after all that she didn't even get her bacon. It's funny to me both the things I selectively/most distinctly remember, and the things I decided to journal about. Lenin is NOT one of them..repressed/suppressed.
"But, it just isn’t over yet. The wilds in you are everything they’ve sought to tame. These they cannot have unless you consent. So. If their cancer takes your lungs, I say grow gills, and head for the water. And wait." AD
Friday, January 16, 2009
Sunday, January 4, 2009
The Problem with Christianity August 2008
"The real problem with Christians is that we think Jesus was faking it. Meaning, we all lie to each other because that must've been what he did. Otherwise we would man up and confront each other like the Bible tells us to, instead of lying and making others think we are the victim."
I really do believe that somewhere along the way we were brainwashed to think that Jesus just perfected the art of ignoring people's bad character traits or poor choices because telling them to change would've been....mean! Since when was 'honest' a synonym with 'mean'....oh yeah, since we started lying to each other all the time.
I've just decided that I'd rather err on the side of being honest with people and hurting their feelings. If I'm confronting you the way the Bible says I should, and you react poorly--that's on you. I'm sorry if you don't like the truth, but if its the truth that ball is out of my court.
Thursday, January 1, 2009
2008 Highlights
Per Dreher's request, I decided to post my year's highlights....
January--I took/passed the most difficult exam of my life, up until this point. I witnessed a large dose of reality in Louisiana, as I did relief work with Salvation Army--this experience had a significant impact on me. I began my end-of-education full-time internship at a Homeless Shelter in town, attempting to utilize all I had learned up till that point and get a good grip on the life I'd signed up for. This month was the end of the hoorah that was working at the Boys and Girls Club. This was also the first time I'd had my own room since I was 10!!!!
February--Oh this was the month of my most intense and interesting Client while working at Vincent House. She was 21 but had the logic/mental level of a 12 year old. She once said "My mom doesn't like me to go anywhere alone. Everytime I go somewhere alone I get raped." This month and next was also the month of my craziest client who called the Sherriff's department on me. Too much professional/emotional growth/thoughts to list.
March--This was a good month, mostly because its when I was born ;0). I accepted and internalized my professional self in this month. One day I just realized "I'm doing it," and couldn't believe how far I'd come to get to this point. Oh, this was also the month I started engaging politically. I was pro-Obama this month ;0). Really, I was just working through the process of learning what it means to vote responsibly.
April--Hard month. I was sorting through a fair amount of emotional issues. And my dog died this month :0( I felt like reality of growing up hit me like an 18 wheeler.
May--End of my internship, appropriately it was pouring rain--definitely broken hearted for a few weeks. Graduation. Moving into our apartment...ie up 3 flights of stairs. Haha--I made a list of 16 goals for summer, and I accomplished 5: Hanging curtain rods, buying a new CD, smoking a cigar, making a "dye my hair" pro/con list, and eating a tamale. That is success, my friends! This was a hard month, no wonder I didn't accomplish more practical goals.
June--Diary of a Mad Black Woman--revolutionalized my life. The rejection of the SCAN job--good intervew lessons. The beginning of the Cleveland extravagabonaza of 2008. The beginning of my involvement at Broadway Christian Church, even though I'd been "pew surfing" for a year. Harmonica obsession. I decided that I either needed to really choose Christianity holistically or let it go, permenantly---I choose it, for the record.
July--Lots of Gilmore Girls. Oh, this is also the month that Cleveland said "thanks for the memories" to everyone except myself. And then I wigged out on him after 2 weeks of working 8-10 hour days with him...intense.
August--Important month of revelations: 1. The problem with Christianity: part 102. 2. The seemingly genetic characteristics of pro-writers--the lurk, the buggy eyes, etc. Promotion to "Associate Director of Campus Safety," this is when life REALLY started to take off. ;0)
September--Lots and lots of political thoughts, researching. This month I decided I didn't like either candidate. Lots and lots of CRAZY residence life issues ie "the devil rocks incident." I became a Church member this month.
October--Announcement that Taylor is closing. This was a ridiculous month. Many more political thoughts, lots of SNL watching, watching debates with Dreher and giving the candidates points for "hogwash."
November--Job searching. This was a really good month in learning to just live well, simplistically, getting the details of my life in order. This was also a month of a lot of thought as it relates to American Christians and poverty...still working through that one.
December--Park Center job application/interview/acceptance. Chrissmakkuh. The New Years party ;0) Fun month.
I'm always amazed at what a rollarcoaster each year is. I was so entirely different emotionally, professionally this time last year. I learned a lot of hard and good things this year, that I feel many full grown adults never come to grips with. I think Confidence, Discipline, and Responsibility were the big themes of 2008. And it all begins again on Monday when I start at Park Center...where's my rollarcoaster "motion disturbance" bag ;0)
January--I took/passed the most difficult exam of my life, up until this point. I witnessed a large dose of reality in Louisiana, as I did relief work with Salvation Army--this experience had a significant impact on me. I began my end-of-education full-time internship at a Homeless Shelter in town, attempting to utilize all I had learned up till that point and get a good grip on the life I'd signed up for. This month was the end of the hoorah that was working at the Boys and Girls Club. This was also the first time I'd had my own room since I was 10!!!!
February--Oh this was the month of my most intense and interesting Client while working at Vincent House. She was 21 but had the logic/mental level of a 12 year old. She once said "My mom doesn't like me to go anywhere alone. Everytime I go somewhere alone I get raped." This month and next was also the month of my craziest client who called the Sherriff's department on me. Too much professional/emotional growth/thoughts to list.
March--This was a good month, mostly because its when I was born ;0). I accepted and internalized my professional self in this month. One day I just realized "I'm doing it," and couldn't believe how far I'd come to get to this point. Oh, this was also the month I started engaging politically. I was pro-Obama this month ;0). Really, I was just working through the process of learning what it means to vote responsibly.
April--Hard month. I was sorting through a fair amount of emotional issues. And my dog died this month :0( I felt like reality of growing up hit me like an 18 wheeler.
May--End of my internship, appropriately it was pouring rain--definitely broken hearted for a few weeks. Graduation. Moving into our apartment...ie up 3 flights of stairs. Haha--I made a list of 16 goals for summer, and I accomplished 5: Hanging curtain rods, buying a new CD, smoking a cigar, making a "dye my hair" pro/con list, and eating a tamale. That is success, my friends! This was a hard month, no wonder I didn't accomplish more practical goals.
June--Diary of a Mad Black Woman--revolutionalized my life. The rejection of the SCAN job--good intervew lessons. The beginning of the Cleveland extravagabonaza of 2008. The beginning of my involvement at Broadway Christian Church, even though I'd been "pew surfing" for a year. Harmonica obsession. I decided that I either needed to really choose Christianity holistically or let it go, permenantly---I choose it, for the record.
July--Lots of Gilmore Girls. Oh, this is also the month that Cleveland said "thanks for the memories" to everyone except myself. And then I wigged out on him after 2 weeks of working 8-10 hour days with him...intense.
August--Important month of revelations: 1. The problem with Christianity: part 102. 2. The seemingly genetic characteristics of pro-writers--the lurk, the buggy eyes, etc. Promotion to "Associate Director of Campus Safety," this is when life REALLY started to take off. ;0)
September--Lots and lots of political thoughts, researching. This month I decided I didn't like either candidate. Lots and lots of CRAZY residence life issues ie "the devil rocks incident." I became a Church member this month.
October--Announcement that Taylor is closing. This was a ridiculous month. Many more political thoughts, lots of SNL watching, watching debates with Dreher and giving the candidates points for "hogwash."
November--Job searching. This was a really good month in learning to just live well, simplistically, getting the details of my life in order. This was also a month of a lot of thought as it relates to American Christians and poverty...still working through that one.
December--Park Center job application/interview/acceptance. Chrissmakkuh. The New Years party ;0) Fun month.
I'm always amazed at what a rollarcoaster each year is. I was so entirely different emotionally, professionally this time last year. I learned a lot of hard and good things this year, that I feel many full grown adults never come to grips with. I think Confidence, Discipline, and Responsibility were the big themes of 2008. And it all begins again on Monday when I start at Park Center...where's my rollarcoaster "motion disturbance" bag ;0)
Saturday, December 27, 2008
It's been a grip
I had anticipated posting more frequently than I find myself doing, alas. I had many more thoughts on my mind that apparently I've cut loose for now. That is not to suggest I don't have things on my mind---I start my new job in 8 days, so that's definitely some reality I'm facing. I thought I would be more nervous than I currently find myself. That's one of my favorite things when it comes to new, slightly terrifying experiences: distinguishing between growth and denial ;0). I know that this job is going to kick my trash---which is mostly a good thing, but clearly not optimal. But I've finally reached something that is going to challenge me professionally--and that's what I've been longing for, studying for, paying for these past four years. Speaking of paying for, talk about great timing as that kicks in after the 1st as well ;0)
I've also been partially consumed with thoughts of justice. I spend, we spend so much $$ on ourselves, even if we're not buying nice things----I hardly pay my bills and still manage to spend foolishly. The reality is that there are millions of starving, sick people in the world. More and more I feel like I cannot say I love the Lord and continue to neglect that reality---sure it's only a Starbucks here and new socks I don't really need there or a Season of That 70's Show and some random 'needed' kitchen item to replace the beat up one that works fine....more and more it seems like all or nothing because for me any half effort is really a rationalized-away no effort. Choosing one thing is the same as choosing all of those things...same attitude, same denial, same selfishness. Don't get me wrong here, I'm not going to sell all my belongings and start wandering the country. I'm not an idiot, and certainly I am aware and appreciative of the blessings of living in this country. But I'm tired of living this lie.
Tuesday, December 16, 2008
Don't be a hirpler (lame person) ;0)
"Beware of squatting lazily before God instead of putting up a glorious fight so that you may lay hold of his strength." Oswald
Thursday, December 4, 2008
Monday, December 1, 2008
Allow me one Christmas soapbox, please...
Here are a few of my favorite websites when it comes to donating to good causes...if you don't already give something, you should seriously consider it...our lives are not that hard, and these are good opportunities that demand no more commitment than filling in a credit/debit card number. Our country spends too much time balking at Corporate Executives who are only financially concerned for themselves, when we often act like we can't afford 10 bucks here and there to help the poor....if we can't give $10, why do we act surprised when they hoard 120 million...(steps off soapbox)
http://http://www.communityharvest.org/pages/about.htm
http://http://corps.salvationarmyindiana.org/fortwayne/2008/desperate-need-for-angels/
http://http://www.honorflight.org/
http://http://www.samaritanspurse.org/index.php
http://http://www.communityharvest.org/pages/about.htm
http://http://corps.salvationarmyindiana.org/fortwayne/2008/desperate-need-for-angels/
http://http://www.honorflight.org/
http://http://www.samaritanspurse.org/index.php
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