"But, it just isn’t over yet. The wilds in you are everything they’ve sought to tame. These they cannot have unless you consent. So. If their cancer takes your lungs, I say grow gills, and head for the water. And wait." AD
Sunday, November 8, 2009
Loneliness
I've been feeling particularly lonely lately. I don't mean "Aw, poor LJ, no man to keep her company" in the slightest sense. I've had a "more than normal" amount of thoughts about whatever that has left me thinking "who else comes to that conclusion?!" What do you do with those thoughts? It's not pride, it's not me thinking I'm of higher intellectual thought---I just truly don't think even my closest friends have internalized the same beliefs about whatever that I have. I think most of those internalizations regard the dynamics of human nature, which makes sense considering my choice of career. I feel resigned to the reality of 1. sin and 2. grace. I've had some rather harsh conclusions regarding our relationship to the Lord God--and our often distorted view of such things--as well as regarding my thoughts of the necessity (or rather lack thereof) of involvement in politics. Marriage has become a lot less pivotal to me, and, much to my surprise, salvation has become much more prevalent in my day to day thoughts. And I'm trying to figure out what those conclusions are--am I getting old or cynical or wise or stubborn or foolish or brain developed or etc.? I feel like I sound like an old crotchety man, but I hope that I'm truly not that to you, friends. And if I am, just tell me to put on my new sweater ;0)
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2 comments:
The deeper you go, the lonelier it gets. And chances are you're right about us not all having internalized the same beliefs about that mysterious whatever -- I know I walk to my own offbeat drum, as I'm sure you do in your measure. Not sure what kinda stuff you're referring to by whatever, but the closer it is to people's hearts (politics, religion, theology) and the further the space between your view and theirs, the tougher it is to bridge the gap, the heavier the burden on the higher level of thinking. There's a bit of that in Ken Wilber's A Brief History of Everything... which I recommend. You probably won't agree with significant parts of it, as he approaches it largely from a nondual kind of Western-Zen view, but there's a lot of valuable thoughts in there. You can borrow my copy if you want to read it.
You had told me about that during our roller coaster extravaganza--I looked it up, but wasn't sure I had the right book--now I know, so I will definitely look into it.
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