When the word 'no' is an inadequate response.

I love these moments.

One second you are established; understanding life, your philosophy, God.  The next...even though you  look the same, and have not moved your physical body, you feel as though a small part of you will never think or feel the same way; good or bad.

The best part is that it's usually an off-handed remark, a phrase, an unintended-for-my-ears comment that will grab hold and refuse to let go.  Random and unplanned.

A word.  A lyric.  A tempo.  It stirs deeply and I often don't realize why, initially.   

I think working with children appeals to me, in part, because their concrete thinking is a magnet for these moments.  As adults, we are good at complex and abstract thought.  However, I think the concrete resonates more with our emotions.  We think in the abstract, we believe in the concrete.

A child told me today, "my Dad doesn't like it when I talk."  This child has A LOT to teach me.

I suspect he has Asperger's.  For those of you unaware of what that means, it is an Autism Spectrum Disorder.  Children with Asperger's have a lot of problems with social interactions primarily because they don't understand social cues or reciprocity of communication very well.
This child has a problem understanding why it isn't okay to sabotage my art activity that he doesn't enjoy outside of "If I scribble on Ms. Laura's paper I will get in trouble."  He needs reminding of how that damages our relationship and even then his reciprocity is often structured around my leading.
He is most engaged in our relationship when it is most interesting or beneficial to him, because he can't quite understand how doing that impacts other people.

I am often exhausted after only one hour with him because it is a perpetual cycle of resisting a power struggle.  The endless attempts to negotiate my activity to his specifications, or attempts to sabotage the activity all together.  This is often preceded or followed by very pleasant interactions about his preferred topic of choice. I should chart every time the interaction flips.  I am confident it would resemble a roller coaster.

I am reminded of the verse that talks about if we, as imperfect and fallen beings, know how to give good gifts to our children, how much more will our heavenly father bestow on us?

Sometimes I believe my Dad doesn't like to hear me talk.  But He is bigger than that.